Genuineness

Recently I was told by a fellow volunteer that I am a very genuine
person. For me, I felt that was an amazing comment; one of the best
I've received but it also made me wonder- what exactly is genuineness
and how can a person be genuine? Is it a state of mind? Actions? Is it
something that is exuded from someone? Can a person learn it? Can it
be obtained or are they born with it? I don't have any of these
answers but would love to hear thoughts. So far the closest that I've
been able to determine is that genuineness is truth. Its being real
and not presenting yourself in any other way. Showing the world that
hey, this is me, accept me or not. I also think genuineness can be
achieved. I think we all have snippets of it throughout our lives but
don't really ever live in it until we are fully confident and free
with who we are. I'm not sure I was always a genuine person and I know
not everyone I've met would agree that I am but I think its an
underlying aspect for who I am.

I'm not sure its any one thing nor is it always present all the time.
I think it can be shown thought actions, words, deeds and many other
things and oftentimes a genuine act goes unnoticed... which is
probably the point. Anyways, I have no answer to this question but was
glad to have received the compliment non the less.Thoughts?

Separate Experiences

Sometimes I think I've had two completely different experiences here in Kyrgyzstan. For two years I lived in a village on the lake with a host family. I had daily interactions with the people and community. I spoke Kyrgyz everyday and ate Kyrgyz food everyday. I did a lot of guesting and work on a very community based level to combat health problems. Now is completely different. I have my own apartment, cook for myself, live by myself and live in a city. I have less interaction with people and sometimes no interactions with people and I speak much more English than Kyrgyz. I work now on a state level and see less of the community impact than before. So sometimes that makes me wonder...

I sometimes feel that my time here has not been one large accumulation of time (3 years) but two different experiences: village and city. People have asked me which I've liked better and because they are so different I can't even really compare. I think on one hand it’s really interesting in a country this small to have had such varied experiences but on the other why should it be so different. The work is similar so why else? Is it really because one was a city and the other a village or is it something more? Is it the difference of community interaction and integration or something else entirely? I do not think I'll ever truly know. Thoughts?

Escaping Vortexes

In my old village I didn't have too many local friends. I had my host mom, who was more like an older sister then a host mom, work colleagues and my American site mate. It wasn't really until midway through my second year did I really develop a local friend. Around my age. That is mostly due to the kyrgyz vortex. This vortex is very common especially for women. Basically young girls from the age of 16-24 are sucked into marriage, children, and home. Many times their education is forgotten, discarded, or bought. Even if they do work their family comes first. It’s a hard life. They get up early and go to bed late caring for the family, working, running the household, etc. sadly, especially in villages, it is very difficult to escape this vortex. So as a volunteer, and an american, this vortex can be difficult to deal with. It's oftentimes difficult for women volunteers to have local friends because the girls their age are married, planning to be married, have children, have no time to socialize or are forbidden.

Yet I did end up finding a local friend who is married with a child. Her and her husband became good friends and often did a lot with my site and I. So I know it is possible to escape, or live with the vortex. I wondered, though, when I moved from the village to a city if this would change. I was hoping to have more local friends. For two years I only a two and was wanting to have more, at least more around my age. Thankfully that has happened. I have found myself having at least half a dozen local friends that I daily interact with. All of them speak English in some capacity- not all fluently, so often it’s a mix of Kyrgyz and English and all are between 22-28. Two study at the university, two are married with children and one is a full time worker. Yet despite their differences they are all trying to change their lives and work to become better. However, despite our interactions, despite their progressiveness, they too are still being sucked into the vortex. I noticed it recently with the full time worker. She is in her mid twenties (25) and by kyrgyz standards needs to get married now. For me I see a young woman who is actively working to better herself and her country. She is actively engaged with youth and works heavily in the social sector. She doesn't want to get married yet. She is a strong, independent woman that sees a future for herself. Yet, she is continually getting pressure from her family- father in particular- to step into the vortex. He is actively seeking husbands for her and in this culture she can have terrible repercussions if she says no to his choice. Yet she sees no other choice because here the vortex is stronger, its tradition, its life. There's no escaping it. My two friends whom are married had a similar experience. They were pressured around 23/24 to be married and so had to forgo their plans. My university friends see this. They don't want to have to step into it but really don't see another choice. For me this is sad, and difficult at times. I’m 28 and not married. Kyrgyz people don't really understand why we don't view this as a problem in America. They don't understand why it's ok to not be married or be married later, or to have a choice in our marriage, if we so desire. No matter how we try to explain it never truly sets in.

I’m not saying this vortex is completely wrong, nor does every Kyrgyz person believe in it. I know several amazing men and women that do not. They believe in making your own choices and living their own life but they do always admit that this pressure to “enter this vortex” exists. It can never be truly escaped. It is a part of life here, no matter how progressive you yourself may be. On a smaller scale it is still apparent in America too, especially in the south and midwest. Its not just Kyrgyzstan either, it's a worldwide thing. I'm not sure if there really is ever a way to escape it, or if we should. It’s just an observation that I’ve noticed here. I have no straight answers for it because so much affects it. Yet I do think we need to be aware of the vortex. For, no matter where we are, we are in some way affected by it.

Until next time...

Heroes

For many people in this country, and I expect throughout the world, special needs people are a sensitive and, often, shameful topic. They are not talked about, helped or properly cared for. Yet they are often the ones most in need. This is true here. Over the last two years I’ve seen special needs people pushed to the margins, forgotten, or ignored. It is considered shameful to have a special needs person and especially to have a special needs child. So sometimes it can be hard to work in this area, when the government, culture and everything else is against you. So when one does find people who truly want to work in this field, with these people it is so uplifting and inspiring.

In my old village, through various activities, I saw this population go from marginalized to known. Now they receive more help, recognition and support. They still have a long way to go but it is exciting to see what has happened in two short years. While I lived there I met some amazing people with big hearts who just wanted to help. Some of these people had special needs children themselves, others did not. They just wanted to share the love and increase awareness. It’s the same in my current city. I've met an amazing organization that goes out to orphanages and day cares with clothes and other items. They have provided funding for projects to special needs places and recently won an award for their work. However, this place is not the ones doing something. I've met people who have created special needs apparatuses for their clients out of household items. I've seen these children thrive by just being talked to, held or noticed. The people that work here receive very little pay and hardly in recognition, yet they come every day and do it. In this country, with its stigma and discrimination towards this population it truly is amazing. They have helped to open my eyes to the potential that exists here and that no matter how bad things can look there are always heroes. These people are just that.

A Different View of Culture

For two years I lived in a small local village. Now for my third year I’m living in a city. Naturally differences between the two have arisen and has given me different perspectives on culture. For instance, food is more readily available, the bazaar is closer, more cafes are available and general Kyrgyzstan-style fast food can be easily acquired. Indoor plumbing- toilets and water- are also more accessible, both at work and home, also electricity is generally always on. However, its not just amenities that are different, it's people too.

I've noticed that people in the city work longer hours, and often attend work more regularly than villagers. This is not saying villagers do not work, they just are often distracted by home issues- such as animals, sickness, etc. People in the city have a tendency to come to work more regularly, despite other outside circumstances. Also they seem generally less inviting. I haven't yet been invited to guest at a coworkers. I think this is because they are busy with other things and unlike villagers guesting does not make up a large part of their lives. There's nothing wrong with this, just something I haven't yet gotten used to. Its also very strange not to hear or see farm animals, nor to have people be working with them. I've noticed that in the city their lives do focus more around work than in other aspects. It's nice to have that for a change but still very strange after two years. Families are important but unlike in the village children are given more opportunities to excel. They have different school choices, from schools teaching English, German or Russian, to a specialized music school. Also unlike many villagers most younger children attend a daycare because both parents are working. In the village usually only one person is working- maybe- and many children do not attend daycare.

Therefore, there is much I am still adjusting to regarding a city verses a village. I enjoy being in a city but it is a very different lifestyle from the one I’ve had for two years. Sure, some cultural aspects remain the same, because they are more deeply ingrained within society but there definitely does exist differences between the city and village. I think its the same in America. Any thoughts?

(I apologize for the delay in posting Dawn's latest blog. You should have seen it a few days ago.)

Stranger in a Strange Land

Apart from being a book and an episode title on LOST, this term, I feel, applies to anyone that has every lived overseas or in an area where they are on outsider, a stranger. One does not have to live overseas to have felt like a stranger; you can often feel like a stranger in your own land. However, for me, and for many others that have done international development work, one often feels a stranger in their serving country and in their land.

When we first set out into the vast realm of international development work we enter with naive expectation and preconceived notions. We often think we know better than the locals, which is often not true. After some time we change, they change, everything changes. Yet no matter how well we truly integrate, no matter how well we speak their language, eat their food, or dress like them, we are never fully them, we are always a stranger in a strange land. For two years I lived in a small rural village, and I became pretty integrated and known, yet a was still a stranger. Now in my new site that is once again the case. Everything is new, fresh and must be relearned. People again stare and wonder. I wonder back and stumble along, knowing I am once again a stranger in a strange land.

Yet, for the general international development worker, we know this, we prepare ourselves for it. Yet, we often fail to forget that we are strangers in our homeland as well. We become vastly changed by our experience and we miss out on events in people's lives. We arrive back to find friends and family in different places than they were when we first left and find ourselves trying to figure out how to insert ourselves into their life, all while trying to cope with what we've been through. We try to share our experience while not really knowing how to and we look at everything through another set of eyes, eyes that no longer belong to the homeland, but not quite belonging to the adopted land, either. Its a conundrum. As we try to pick off where we left off we realize it really is difficult to go back. We are not how we were when we left. We are strangers in some aspects.

Being a stranger in strangle lands is unique and not for everyone. Those who do embark on this path know it is not easy but we do know its challenging and rewarding and one that can truly change. It makes life more interesting and unique. When was the last time you were a stranger in a strange land? Try it... you just might be surprised.

Differences

As a Peace Corps volunteer we often deal with differences, both regarding the local culture, people, language, food, etc but within our own community itself. The Peace Corps experience causes one to get close to people they may not normally get close to. This is due to volunteer proximity, and just the basic fact that there are so few Americans in this area. So you develop unlikely friendships and begin to cross lines that you may not have existed. I have seen this during my service here. I have developed friendships with people that I am normally drawn to but also others that are very different from who I am, so different that I probably would never have developed a friendship in the states. They are people from all types of backgrounds, states, beliefs and experiences. We have similarities and many, many differences. Yet, I’ve realized that in order to be successful, to be fulfilled, you need to be able to deal with people no matter how alike or similar they are to you and to willing to lift preconceived judgments and beliefs about people.

For instance, three friendships that have blossomed for me here have developed long after my preconceived notions about them were lifted. They are very different from what I originally thought, and I to them. Its sad how often we left first impressions guide us. We need to be more willing to look deeper, to truly explore the person and not just what they show on the surface. As my experience has shown me here, everyone holds stuff back and never fully show themselves. I do it, we all do and only when the layers begin to be peeled back can the true light begin to show. We must be willing to take a leap of faith, to become vulnerable, to trust, to open up. I recently told a good friend of mine here that I am a very different person than I was before I came. I have developed friendships with many people different from me and it’s made me a much better person; a person better able to handle differences and to accept them.

Recently I met some of the new volunteers in country with a fellow volunteer. This volunteer has become a good friend of mine, but only after I was willing to remove some preconceived notions I had and willing to take a jump. Now she’s someone I can always count on and whenever I’m in her area always visit. We are from very different backgrounds in the states and very different places. So different that we probably would never have really interacted much in the states. However we were together when we met some new volunteers and after spending about 3 hours with them we left. They later told her that they just couldn’t fathom us hanging out together in the states because we seemed so different. It fathomed us both because we couldn’t imagine not. We couldn’t understand what it was they were talking about and/or observing. To us it was natural, as it is to many volunteers who have been in country a while. This experience changes you in ways we ourselves never see but to outsiders it’s noticeable. We become accustomed to differences in all forms and learn how to interact, accept and handle them. We embrace them and they help us to grow into more fully developed individuals. I for one am so thankful for this and know that I have benefited in so many amazing ways from everyones’ differences. As my service is nearing an end I continue to look for them and hope to become even more changed. Will you do the same?