Nine months...

Nine months ago I was speaking two different languages, eating different food and taking different forms of transportation. Nine months ago I lived a completely different lifestlye. Nine months ago I saw my host family and nine months ago I was in Kyrgyzstan. Nine months later I am in America, readjusting to life here, hearing only English and dealing with American consumerism. Nine months later I have found full time work and begun a new chapter in my life. Nine months later I find myself in Winston-Salem, NC; a place that never registered on my initial job hunting radar.

Nine months has given me a lot of transistion, changes and emotions. I've had good days and bad but at times nine months seems like yesterday and at other times it seems like a completely different life. My time in Kyrgystan really helped me evolve into a better, more understanding and open minded person. These last nine months have been a time of transition and culture shock and change. I have once more taken another step toward more growth and wonder where the next nine months will lead.

It's strange to think, though, in three short months I will have been back for one year. I look back and wonder what have  I done? How is my life bettering others? Why do I miss Kyrgystan so much? What are my next steps? These are all thoughts that have proceeded through my brain and as my one year mark approaches will continue to surface. Nine months has been a time of longing and growth. Of ups and downs and good times and bad. It is a been a unique set of nine months and now I feel I am once again discovering myself. Let's bring in the next nine months!

Separate Worlds

This holiday season was the first I have spent in the States in three years. For the past three years I have spent holidays abroad, in Kyrgyzstan, Russia or Kazakhstan. So this year was a big new step for me; it was a step I knew would have to occur sometime and I think it went well overall. However I have realized that my holidays abroad and my holidays here are very different.

The weather, cutstomes, attitudes, foods, people are all different. That's not to say one is better than the other just that I'm different in both. The holiday fanaticsim here is crazy and hard to handle now and the simplicity of the holidays abroad is appealing but each place is unique and separate. As I was coming back recently from the movies recently I saw landscapes that reminded me of Kyrgyzstan while others was vastly different. This made me realize that nothing can ever be fully integrated. I am one way there and another here. They are separate worlds. Worlds where I know how to act and survive and worlds that are missed and unique in their own ways.

As the holiday season is now over and I look ahead to my next chapter I wonder now where that road leads and how much more of a separate place it will appear.

Missing the Little Things

As my service winds down, its the little things I realize I'm going to miss. For instance, I was in a taxi today and my driver asked me if my father was Kyrgyz. I told him most assuredly no and then the other passengers agreed with him and said my father must be Kyrgyz because I looked slightly Kyrgyz. I told them definitely no and that both my parents are American. However, this experience made me realize that its situations like that which I am going to miss. I doubt if I take a taxi in America I am going to be asked this, or even anything similar. I am not going to see large herds of sheep nonchalantly transversing down our main street while simultaneously swallowing everything in its path. I won't have the various other random encounters that make up my day, such as switching between two languages, negotiating prices, or impromptu parties and events. I will no longer experience the intriguing, and frustrating, aspect of time or have to walk around the various randomly placed piles of dirt along the roads.

Its these little nuances, from the office suddenly losing all pens to the city water being shut off for a ten minute period and randomly being turned back on to having unexpected waves of illness wash over you for a brief period only to randomly disappear. These are the things that cannot ever be fully explained to others. These are the things that enrich our lives and make every day unique and interesting. I know my experience has been better because of them and I am so thankful for them, for without them my experience, my time, would have been vastly different. So what about you? What little things make your life interesting and unique?

Old Goodbyes and New Hellos

Soon, very soon, I will finally finished with my time here in Kyrgyzstan and will move onto something else. What the future may hold, I'm not really sure. I have a lot of ideas and areas that I want to focus on and some more schooling that I'd like to get, but no concrete plans have been made. This is somewhat scary yet exhilarating also. For the first time I have nothing yet to go to and everything open for me. I know that soon my life will change and soon I will be doing something different and just as awesome but for now I'll cherish the openness.

So for now I've begun to try to wrap up my life here in Kyrgyzstan. I recently went and visited my old host family for two weeks and had an awesome time with them. They will truly be missed as they were such an integral part of my life. I also spent time visiting with other important and special people from the village. They all mean a lot me and it was so great to see them all. Now I'm currently finishing up things in Talas and beginning to say good bye to my local friends here.

I know soon my life will involve many new hellos and its those new hellos that will shape the next portion of my life. I don't know where those hellos will come from or from whom but I do know that they will be integral and will continue to mold me even further. These past three years have done that as I noticed with my good byes. I'm now excited to see the hellos.

Different Services, Different Experiences, Different Lives

Attention: this blog post is going to be random, containing many different themes all rolled together.

Recently I began to wonder about my time here in KG. The K 17s have all left and now the 19s are now at site. I have been training my replacement but won't actually leave until October, so its been a little weird being around another American everyday and speaking English so much. However, as she's been asking me questions about my work here during my third year I've begun to wonder more about it. My third year has been so very very different from my first two years. Its like I've had two entirely different experiences. Looking back I'm not sure I've been as impactful, helpful or integrated as I was in the village. I do have more local friends than I did in the village but I also interact more with volunteers than I did before. I don't know if it's living in the city, my work or living alone but at times I'm not really sure how what I'm currently doing here is that much different than it would be in the states. I think part of it is that now at my work I've finally gotten some good projects and work started, just in time for the new vol and just in time for me to leave, so looking back I wonder what did I really do? I've helped my secondary site, yes and definitely impacted my local friends, but it just doesn't feel the same. I don't feel like I've made as significant impact as I had in the village; which in some aspects has been humbling and eye opening. As a volunteer we are not here to be known; we are not here to have the spotlight. Our influence is on a much smaller scale, and usually on the relationship levels, and now more than before I see this and understand it better. Contentment comes in different forms and happens in various ways; so understanding is needed as well as openness and the ability to say, “it's not about me” and to have the foresight to know that we often never see results but they are happening, even if we never know...

Not only has my third year led to different experiences but to a greater understanding of different lives. I'm referring to after PC relationships and how the are maintained or not maintained. During service we often get close to other volunteers and try to stay connected with them after service. But life happens and so friendships change. People stay less connected and sometimes even forgotten. Also non-service friendships change. As the volunteer becomes further removed from the happenings of the US they get forgotten or left behind among their non-PC friends. This is neither good nor bad, but happens as people live different lives and partake in other experiences. It becomes harder and harder to relate and to stay connected. Priorities change, life's general busyness becomes normal and separation happens.

So I know this has been somewhat scattered and not even sure if there's really a point except that life changes and so does everything else. Thoughts?

Genuineness

Recently I was told by a fellow volunteer that I am a very genuine
person. For me, I felt that was an amazing comment; one of the best
I've received but it also made me wonder- what exactly is genuineness
and how can a person be genuine? Is it a state of mind? Actions? Is it
something that is exuded from someone? Can a person learn it? Can it
be obtained or are they born with it? I don't have any of these
answers but would love to hear thoughts. So far the closest that I've
been able to determine is that genuineness is truth. Its being real
and not presenting yourself in any other way. Showing the world that
hey, this is me, accept me or not. I also think genuineness can be
achieved. I think we all have snippets of it throughout our lives but
don't really ever live in it until we are fully confident and free
with who we are. I'm not sure I was always a genuine person and I know
not everyone I've met would agree that I am but I think its an
underlying aspect for who I am.

I'm not sure its any one thing nor is it always present all the time.
I think it can be shown thought actions, words, deeds and many other
things and oftentimes a genuine act goes unnoticed... which is
probably the point. Anyways, I have no answer to this question but was
glad to have received the compliment non the less.Thoughts?

Separate Experiences

Sometimes I think I've had two completely different experiences here in Kyrgyzstan. For two years I lived in a village on the lake with a host family. I had daily interactions with the people and community. I spoke Kyrgyz everyday and ate Kyrgyz food everyday. I did a lot of guesting and work on a very community based level to combat health problems. Now is completely different. I have my own apartment, cook for myself, live by myself and live in a city. I have less interaction with people and sometimes no interactions with people and I speak much more English than Kyrgyz. I work now on a state level and see less of the community impact than before. So sometimes that makes me wonder...

I sometimes feel that my time here has not been one large accumulation of time (3 years) but two different experiences: village and city. People have asked me which I've liked better and because they are so different I can't even really compare. I think on one hand it’s really interesting in a country this small to have had such varied experiences but on the other why should it be so different. The work is similar so why else? Is it really because one was a city and the other a village or is it something more? Is it the difference of community interaction and integration or something else entirely? I do not think I'll ever truly know. Thoughts?

Escaping Vortexes

In my old village I didn't have too many local friends. I had my host mom, who was more like an older sister then a host mom, work colleagues and my American site mate. It wasn't really until midway through my second year did I really develop a local friend. Around my age. That is mostly due to the kyrgyz vortex. This vortex is very common especially for women. Basically young girls from the age of 16-24 are sucked into marriage, children, and home. Many times their education is forgotten, discarded, or bought. Even if they do work their family comes first. It’s a hard life. They get up early and go to bed late caring for the family, working, running the household, etc. sadly, especially in villages, it is very difficult to escape this vortex. So as a volunteer, and an american, this vortex can be difficult to deal with. It's oftentimes difficult for women volunteers to have local friends because the girls their age are married, planning to be married, have children, have no time to socialize or are forbidden.

Yet I did end up finding a local friend who is married with a child. Her and her husband became good friends and often did a lot with my site and I. So I know it is possible to escape, or live with the vortex. I wondered, though, when I moved from the village to a city if this would change. I was hoping to have more local friends. For two years I only a two and was wanting to have more, at least more around my age. Thankfully that has happened. I have found myself having at least half a dozen local friends that I daily interact with. All of them speak English in some capacity- not all fluently, so often it’s a mix of Kyrgyz and English and all are between 22-28. Two study at the university, two are married with children and one is a full time worker. Yet despite their differences they are all trying to change their lives and work to become better. However, despite our interactions, despite their progressiveness, they too are still being sucked into the vortex. I noticed it recently with the full time worker. She is in her mid twenties (25) and by kyrgyz standards needs to get married now. For me I see a young woman who is actively working to better herself and her country. She is actively engaged with youth and works heavily in the social sector. She doesn't want to get married yet. She is a strong, independent woman that sees a future for herself. Yet, she is continually getting pressure from her family- father in particular- to step into the vortex. He is actively seeking husbands for her and in this culture she can have terrible repercussions if she says no to his choice. Yet she sees no other choice because here the vortex is stronger, its tradition, its life. There's no escaping it. My two friends whom are married had a similar experience. They were pressured around 23/24 to be married and so had to forgo their plans. My university friends see this. They don't want to have to step into it but really don't see another choice. For me this is sad, and difficult at times. I’m 28 and not married. Kyrgyz people don't really understand why we don't view this as a problem in America. They don't understand why it's ok to not be married or be married later, or to have a choice in our marriage, if we so desire. No matter how we try to explain it never truly sets in.

I’m not saying this vortex is completely wrong, nor does every Kyrgyz person believe in it. I know several amazing men and women that do not. They believe in making your own choices and living their own life but they do always admit that this pressure to “enter this vortex” exists. It can never be truly escaped. It is a part of life here, no matter how progressive you yourself may be. On a smaller scale it is still apparent in America too, especially in the south and midwest. Its not just Kyrgyzstan either, it's a worldwide thing. I'm not sure if there really is ever a way to escape it, or if we should. It’s just an observation that I’ve noticed here. I have no straight answers for it because so much affects it. Yet I do think we need to be aware of the vortex. For, no matter where we are, we are in some way affected by it.

Until next time...

Heroes

For many people in this country, and I expect throughout the world, special needs people are a sensitive and, often, shameful topic. They are not talked about, helped or properly cared for. Yet they are often the ones most in need. This is true here. Over the last two years I’ve seen special needs people pushed to the margins, forgotten, or ignored. It is considered shameful to have a special needs person and especially to have a special needs child. So sometimes it can be hard to work in this area, when the government, culture and everything else is against you. So when one does find people who truly want to work in this field, with these people it is so uplifting and inspiring.

In my old village, through various activities, I saw this population go from marginalized to known. Now they receive more help, recognition and support. They still have a long way to go but it is exciting to see what has happened in two short years. While I lived there I met some amazing people with big hearts who just wanted to help. Some of these people had special needs children themselves, others did not. They just wanted to share the love and increase awareness. It’s the same in my current city. I've met an amazing organization that goes out to orphanages and day cares with clothes and other items. They have provided funding for projects to special needs places and recently won an award for their work. However, this place is not the ones doing something. I've met people who have created special needs apparatuses for their clients out of household items. I've seen these children thrive by just being talked to, held or noticed. The people that work here receive very little pay and hardly in recognition, yet they come every day and do it. In this country, with its stigma and discrimination towards this population it truly is amazing. They have helped to open my eyes to the potential that exists here and that no matter how bad things can look there are always heroes. These people are just that.

A Different View of Culture

For two years I lived in a small local village. Now for my third year I’m living in a city. Naturally differences between the two have arisen and has given me different perspectives on culture. For instance, food is more readily available, the bazaar is closer, more cafes are available and general Kyrgyzstan-style fast food can be easily acquired. Indoor plumbing- toilets and water- are also more accessible, both at work and home, also electricity is generally always on. However, its not just amenities that are different, it's people too.

I've noticed that people in the city work longer hours, and often attend work more regularly than villagers. This is not saying villagers do not work, they just are often distracted by home issues- such as animals, sickness, etc. People in the city have a tendency to come to work more regularly, despite other outside circumstances. Also they seem generally less inviting. I haven't yet been invited to guest at a coworkers. I think this is because they are busy with other things and unlike villagers guesting does not make up a large part of their lives. There's nothing wrong with this, just something I haven't yet gotten used to. Its also very strange not to hear or see farm animals, nor to have people be working with them. I've noticed that in the city their lives do focus more around work than in other aspects. It's nice to have that for a change but still very strange after two years. Families are important but unlike in the village children are given more opportunities to excel. They have different school choices, from schools teaching English, German or Russian, to a specialized music school. Also unlike many villagers most younger children attend a daycare because both parents are working. In the village usually only one person is working- maybe- and many children do not attend daycare.

Therefore, there is much I am still adjusting to regarding a city verses a village. I enjoy being in a city but it is a very different lifestyle from the one I’ve had for two years. Sure, some cultural aspects remain the same, because they are more deeply ingrained within society but there definitely does exist differences between the city and village. I think its the same in America. Any thoughts?

(I apologize for the delay in posting Dawn's latest blog. You should have seen it a few days ago.)

Stranger in a Strange Land

Apart from being a book and an episode title on LOST, this term, I feel, applies to anyone that has every lived overseas or in an area where they are on outsider, a stranger. One does not have to live overseas to have felt like a stranger; you can often feel like a stranger in your own land. However, for me, and for many others that have done international development work, one often feels a stranger in their serving country and in their land.

When we first set out into the vast realm of international development work we enter with naive expectation and preconceived notions. We often think we know better than the locals, which is often not true. After some time we change, they change, everything changes. Yet no matter how well we truly integrate, no matter how well we speak their language, eat their food, or dress like them, we are never fully them, we are always a stranger in a strange land. For two years I lived in a small rural village, and I became pretty integrated and known, yet a was still a stranger. Now in my new site that is once again the case. Everything is new, fresh and must be relearned. People again stare and wonder. I wonder back and stumble along, knowing I am once again a stranger in a strange land.

Yet, for the general international development worker, we know this, we prepare ourselves for it. Yet, we often fail to forget that we are strangers in our homeland as well. We become vastly changed by our experience and we miss out on events in people's lives. We arrive back to find friends and family in different places than they were when we first left and find ourselves trying to figure out how to insert ourselves into their life, all while trying to cope with what we've been through. We try to share our experience while not really knowing how to and we look at everything through another set of eyes, eyes that no longer belong to the homeland, but not quite belonging to the adopted land, either. Its a conundrum. As we try to pick off where we left off we realize it really is difficult to go back. We are not how we were when we left. We are strangers in some aspects.

Being a stranger in strangle lands is unique and not for everyone. Those who do embark on this path know it is not easy but we do know its challenging and rewarding and one that can truly change. It makes life more interesting and unique. When was the last time you were a stranger in a strange land? Try it... you just might be surprised.

Differences

As a Peace Corps volunteer we often deal with differences, both regarding the local culture, people, language, food, etc but within our own community itself. The Peace Corps experience causes one to get close to people they may not normally get close to. This is due to volunteer proximity, and just the basic fact that there are so few Americans in this area. So you develop unlikely friendships and begin to cross lines that you may not have existed. I have seen this during my service here. I have developed friendships with people that I am normally drawn to but also others that are very different from who I am, so different that I probably would never have developed a friendship in the states. They are people from all types of backgrounds, states, beliefs and experiences. We have similarities and many, many differences. Yet, I’ve realized that in order to be successful, to be fulfilled, you need to be able to deal with people no matter how alike or similar they are to you and to willing to lift preconceived judgments and beliefs about people.

For instance, three friendships that have blossomed for me here have developed long after my preconceived notions about them were lifted. They are very different from what I originally thought, and I to them. Its sad how often we left first impressions guide us. We need to be more willing to look deeper, to truly explore the person and not just what they show on the surface. As my experience has shown me here, everyone holds stuff back and never fully show themselves. I do it, we all do and only when the layers begin to be peeled back can the true light begin to show. We must be willing to take a leap of faith, to become vulnerable, to trust, to open up. I recently told a good friend of mine here that I am a very different person than I was before I came. I have developed friendships with many people different from me and it’s made me a much better person; a person better able to handle differences and to accept them.

Recently I met some of the new volunteers in country with a fellow volunteer. This volunteer has become a good friend of mine, but only after I was willing to remove some preconceived notions I had and willing to take a jump. Now she’s someone I can always count on and whenever I’m in her area always visit. We are from very different backgrounds in the states and very different places. So different that we probably would never have really interacted much in the states. However we were together when we met some new volunteers and after spending about 3 hours with them we left. They later told her that they just couldn’t fathom us hanging out together in the states because we seemed so different. It fathomed us both because we couldn’t imagine not. We couldn’t understand what it was they were talking about and/or observing. To us it was natural, as it is to many volunteers who have been in country a while. This experience changes you in ways we ourselves never see but to outsiders it’s noticeable. We become accustomed to differences in all forms and learn how to interact, accept and handle them. We embrace them and they help us to grow into more fully developed individuals. I for one am so thankful for this and know that I have benefited in so many amazing ways from everyones’ differences. As my service is nearing an end I continue to look for them and hope to become even more changed. Will you do the same?

Donkey Ride

I recently went guesting at a house. The hosts are an amazing young couple that my site mate and I have established a great relationship with. We had such a great time. It was the first time in a long time that we were able to interact with people around our age. Everyone there was under age 30 and eventhough they were married; they were not dominated by it. They all have ambitions and aspirations which is great to see. The two married couples there are all younger and teachers and we have had the opportunity to establish a great relationsihp with them. I look forward to the next chance.

However the real fun came on the way home. We had walked there that evening but when we left it was very dark and late. So the other couple that came took us home in a donkey cart. Yep, a genuine real life metal cart pulled by a donkey. I felt so bad for the donkey because not only is it pulling a heavy metal cart but inside it are 8 people! Then on top of that we're going up hill, around bends, over rocks, etc. I came very close to falling out once and if it hadn't been for my quick reflexes I would have. It was certainly an adventure. I'll do it again in a heartbeat because we were all laughing and having a great time. The donkey ride was a great way to end the evening.

Impact

With only 6 more months left in country, I like many fellow volunteers, have begun to look at the impact I’ve made on my site. If just looking at the school, the classes and the system that I sometimes work in then it can be really depressing. There’s no great change that has occurred in that sector. Yes, I do teach two health classes a week when before there was none, but once I’m gone that will discontinue. Will my health organization still continue to teach, I don’t know and I think it’s likely. Do the clubs I run actually provide any major impact to those students that participate? I don’t know and I won’t know during my time here. Sure there are the few outstanding students that have been impacted and will make something of themselves but by just looking at the school it’s not there. There is no new health teacher, nor are the teachers themselves educated on health. So without a health volunteer there will be no health education… how sustainable and life altering is that?

So where then can the impact be seen? I think in two areas: work and family. My work has definitely seen an impact, if only in the forms of “stuff” that they’ve gotten. Sometimes I think the impact I’ve made on them is in obtaining grants. Without a grant they don’t really do anything, so if there is no grant how are they impacting the community. Sure they’ve been able to produce a new juice project and do an environmental project, HIV/AIDS education and several others, but it was all based on grants. Which then leads me to think would any of this have occurred without a grant and is my impact on them only as a grant obtainer. I’ve never been able to implement monthly health seminars for themselves, they need training just as much as everyone. But at least through these grants I have been able to see people’s lives changed (the anemia juice project). They themselves as an organization has seen change in terms of health education teaching. I’ve been able to teach them about interactive teaching, presentations and a large improvement has been noted in their lessons, which is definitely going to impact many people. Also another impact I’ve seen has just been with them learning new information. Through these grants we’ve been able to bring in consultants and other professionals which have only helped their professional development. So although it may look like there may not be much impact, there truly is.

The final are of impact is the family. I do think I’ve had some impact on my host family; I know the previous volunteer did. I’ve been able to develop relationships, educate them and just become a part of their lives in ways I didn’t imagine. I’m not sure what will stay with them but I know something will and by them just having a volunteer for 2 years has been an impact on them in some many ways.

So when it looks like I may not have any areas of impact I can always look at my host family and realize that some has occurred in some ways, and if it’s only one family reached and changed in some small way, well then it’s worth it. Volunteer often think we don’t really make that much of a difference at times but the truth is we do; we just have to look for those special people that prove it.

Russia.... Day One

So I made it to Russia to start a much needed vacation and I can already tell this vacation is going to be so vastly different from what I've ever experienced so far. I had no problems with the flight or airline food, it was good actually. But my issues started as soon as I got off the plane. The directions to my hostel stated to take this certain bus to the metro station and then from there walk down to the hostel. Sounds easy enough... not so much. First i couldn't figure out how to pay on the bus and I stood there for about 5 minutes until a nice Russian lady showed me how to do it. Then I kept freaking out thinking that I had missed the stop because there were no signs and I couldn't hear what was being said. I finally braved my very bad Russian and asked a lady where this stop was. Thankful it's the last stop on the bus route so I wouldn't have missed it. She then lead me to the station but I was once again forced in my horrible Russian to ask for one ticket, which actually I said right. Ironically the Moscow subway system is very, very easy to figure out and I was so nice to be able to sit on a subway and be outside, where it had started to sleet and snow. So I'm pretty proud of myself at this point, I've arrived at the right station and now just have to find the hostel. This was not easy. First they didn't say which way to go out of the station so I had to figure it out then I couldn't find the road to turn onto, and still don't fully understand how you will with the directions they've written. So again, in very, very, very bad Russian I asked people where this road was and finally, 1 1/2 later arrived. So after arriving into Moscow at 8:30 I finally get to the hostel at 12:30! And here I thought I'd left the Kyrgyz/Soviet time thing behind.

However I realized that I've already begun to experience serious culture shock. i about flipped out when I saw an IKEA on the side of the road and almost ran out the 7 floor mall that was filled with 5 floors of clothes, it had way too many people for me. But I think the biggest shock has been language so far. The people at the hostel speak English well and my Russian is not great, which I know, but I'm able to do basic stuff mostly. However, today that was quickly exhausted and ironically, instead of replying in English, which you would think would be natural, no I'm replying in Kyrgyz! Why! So not only are people looking at me because my Russian is broken and bad but I'm throwing out these non-English words to then suddenly replying once again in English... it's like I'm possessed or have ADD. Poor people. It's interesting and strange.

Tonight, I've turned in early because I've been up for a long time and so am staying in.The next two nights I'll be out and I begin bright and early tomorrow morning. Wish me luck! Russia is what I expected and not. It's definitely first world which has shocked me and pleased me at various times. Oh all of you worried about me being cold, don't be. I'm actually hot because I'm so used to trying to stay warm in Kyrgyzstan. I get funny looks about why I'm not wearing socks! More to come from the Russian federation.

Surrealism

The life of a PCV is very surreal at times. There are times when you're riding in a taxi with no shock absorbers, no windows and tape on the door and realizing you're having a good, solid conversation with a local. You then look out that same non-window to realize you're in a different country with different homes, people and food and you suddenly realize that, yeah, life is surreal and strange, and fascinating all at the same time. Sometimes it's the out of body experience that we notice. It's like we're looking at ourselves doing something so completely different that we can't help but wonder if it's truly us.

I've had several of this recently. I was on my way in a marshuka (a mini bus, which have by the way caused me to acquire motion sickness, something I never had before) and we were driving incredibly fast around the mountains. I was watching the entire time and not once did I get scared or worried that we could die. Only last year this sort of thing would have made me jumpy. But no, there I was looking at the speeding ravines, cliff drops and vaguely following a conversation some locals were having in Kyrgyz behind me. I then suddenly realized," Wow, this is surreal." Sadly I don't even do justice to what I'm trying to say because it's like living two lives yet one at the same time and not totally understanding or recognzing what one life is doing.

I've had many moments like this during my time and know several more will come, like going out at 9pm to cut down a "christmas tree" with a fellow volunteer, or starting to speak Kurgusha (a mix of Kyrgyz and Russians, which locals do all the time) or even calling it "the Kyrgyz and "the Russian" which is also done by locals. Finally, realizing that today I only wore two shirts and a sweater, plus my fleece was good... that meant it was a warm day! Those all add up to surreal moments for me.

I hope this has made some sense, if not sorry; I tried. Look out for surrealism in your life and grasp it when you can...

A New Tradition

Over the last two years a new tradition has developed for me regarding Christmas day. Here in Kyrgyzstan Christmas is not celebrated in the same way it is in the states or in Europe. Families do not get together to hand out gifts or celebrate. There is Santa and a tree but it's all for New Years, which is the big party. So last year my Christmas as chaotic, weird and different. Kids were in school, new years school parties were going on and i couldn't find a time to give them presents. No special meal and I actually had to work on it.

This year was different, the second year of a PCV always is. I understood the traditions and cutstoms of the people and understood their language and suddenly I saw a new tradition developing. Last year and this year on the 25th the school help their class wide New Years class party. Each class from 1st- 11th form is responsible with participating and doing a concert. Last year i went but didn't really understand what was happening, especially with the older classes in the evening. This year it was so much better. I understood the skits (mostly), the dances, songs and prizes. I even was part of the jury panel for the older kids (I got to say which class did best in the different categories). After it was all over I went back home any my host mom had made my favorite Kyrgyz dish, lagmann for me. It was then that I gave them their gifts, and they said they were great rememberance ones. So for me, my christmases have definitely been memorable and so I'm a little sad that I won't have this new tradition next year. Oh well... maybe we can recreate another one.

Language

“Your Kyrgyz is very good.” “You understand very well but they won’t understand you.” “You don’t speak with an accent.”

These are all expressions that I’ve received recently regarding my language and they’ve come from different sets of people. So sometimes I wonder why it is that people I don’t interact with on a daily basis understand me really well and those that I do interact with daily don’t. Language is such a vital part to any volunteer’s life and yet it can also be a source of worry and strife. It can be extremely frustrating when you can’t really explain yourself, or there is a lack of words to truly describe what you want to say- such is the case with Kyrgyz. Yet, locals don’t really understand it and so they often get more frustrated when you can’t clearly communicate; it, at times, is a very vicious circle.

Yet, for me, it seems that my Kyrgyz is really good, from what I’ve been told, but yet don’t understand why certain people have such a hard time with me. Maybe it’s the accent, maybe my sentence structure, who knows, but it’s interesting. I can communicate effectively most of the time and even discuss health terms usually. So I feel good about my language and where it’s at. This is why I’ve started the hard task of learning Russian, which is so incredibly hard. But, I’ve set a goal that I want to reach when I COS so hopefully I’ll make it. After my time here I’ve learned really how important language can be and how much it can help with life. We are made to communicate and we all have different forms. So understanding that form only enhances life. Language is life.

Kyrgyz Ait

I recently did another round of Kyrgyz Ait, where I go to various houses around the village and have at least one cup of tea and some food. This is done twice a year after the end of Ramadan (for one month Muslims fast from sun up to sun down). I had only participated one other time in Ait, and that was with my family. So this time I decided to do it on my own so that I could leave when I wanted and decided the number of homes I’d visit. So I decided I’d do my work circuit… visit the 8 VHC homes and call it quits…

12 houses later I’m finally finished with a fully belly, drunken lots of china and eaten lots of bread. It wasn’t as bad as I anticipated because I knew the homes and people that I visited and as I went along I ended doing it with work people so I didn’t have to deal with formalities as much and they were just as anxious to be done as I was.

So all in all, Ait is not the greatest because it quadruples my tea intake for the day but it was nice this year to better understand what was occurring and to feel like I actually had a place. I didn’t plan on the 12 houses but it was still nice to visit.

Frustrations and Impressions

As a PCV I am often faced with many challenges. Sometimes these are issues because of culture, food, language; other times they are personal issues that are heightened because of the situation. Recently I had an experience that was both so completely frustrating in one aspect but yet made me impressed in another aspect.

Recently my organization finally conducted their environmental clean up project. Now what must be realized is they had been trying to do this project since April but were not able to because of funds. Finally, after many other problems and frustrations they received the money in July and I thought they would do the project that same month. No, after changing the date 3 times they decided to conduct it while I was on vacation down south. Needless to say I was really mad at them about this because I had written their grant, gotten their donors, went with them to buy everything and I wasn’t even going to be allowed to participate! I explained this to them and they then decided to change it to the Sunday I got back from vacation, although, they kept trying to hurry me back from vacation (which I hadn’t had since I’d been in country, and as anyone serving as a PCV knows are vitally needed). So I arrive back at site and realize that once again the date had been moved to the following Saturday. I was skeptical but after seeing their preparation work realized they might actually conduct the project.

While I was gone they had printed up the t-shirts, prepared the signs for the trucks, printed off really nice invitations and delivered them to key people and had done all the contacting and talking with them. So I was impressed by that. During this last week they had talked with all the participating students, invited governmental leaders, Peace Corps and various others from the area. They had done it all (I didn’t have to remind them of anything, which was really nice). So the day arrives and of course we have bad weather, but it didn’t deter them. They put on a really great presentation at the community center about why it’s important to protect the environment and invited all the students from the school to attend. They had 1 other neighboring VHC bring students and then we went out and cleaned not just my village but several others as well that they had contacted. Television reporters appeared and interviews were conducted. Then they served food for everyone... and they outdid themselves with the food.

So although I had so many frustrations with them leading up to the project they did an amazing job and they were so happy to be able to do it. Working at a VHC can be very frustrating at times but at other times very rewarding. This project was a combination of both and showed me more about myself and the Kyrgyz culture. I’m glad I was able to help them out and was so impressed by how well they all pulled it off. They are great people and this project let them show that. So despite some of the problems the outcome was good and that is really all the matters. It was definitely a learning process for both sides and has made us all better and this was just one project… their latest project, geared towards anemia, they actually built a new office for it….